Anger is a natural human emotion, but when it feels constant and unrelenting, it may be a sign of something more such as stress or anxiety.
It’s OK to get angry. Life doesn’t always happen in the way you want or need, and anger is a natural response to feeling wronged.
In fact, anger is considered one of the basic forms of emotion, critical to survival. Anger can kick off your biological threat responses, activating everything from your cardiovascular system to your neurological system.
But anger that is constant, excessive, or uncontrollable may go beyond levels that are beneficial and instead hinder you in day-to-day functioning.
Why am I so angry?
There are many reasons you might experience anger in the moment, but anger all the time might have underlying causes.
On-going oppression and ancestral trauma
Tavi Hawn, a licensed clinical social worker from Baltimore, Maryland, explains that constant anger can be a result of socioeconomic factors, particularly for marginalized groups.
“Members of groups that have historically been subjected to oppression often experience higher levels of daily stress related to systemic factors, such as poverty, health conditions, discrimination, and even hate crimes,” they note. “All these daily experiences combined can lead to feeling very angry as a response.”
Grief
Hawn also indicates that active, compounded, or unresolved grief can contribute to ongoing feelings of anger.
“Our society today, with a need to be working constantly to make a living, doesn’t allow space and time for many people to grieve,” they say. “Having to keep on moving without a break to process a loss, without others around you acknowledging the loss, can create unresolved grief which can cause constant feelings of anger.”
Expectations
While there may be many underlying causes that contribute to anger, Dr. Juli Kramer, a counseling psychologist specializing in Chinese medicine, indicates that persistent anger can often be traced back to expectations.
“Holding expectations is a dominant source of anger from my counseling experience,” she says. “Sometimes the expectations are realistic, but most often not. People feel a constant ‘let down’ when those expectations aren’t met.”
Stress
Joni Ogle, a licensed clinical social worker from Los Angeles, lists several everyday reasons that can make you feel constantly angry when they happen over long periods of time.
These chronic stressors can include:
- feeling not in control or helpless
- being made to feel inferior
- not being listened to
- being disrespected
- feeling threatened
“But if you find yourself angry almost always, it might be worth considering whether there are other underlying issues at play,” she says.
What are the signs of anger?
Anger can be passive, assertive, or aggressive. It’s not always violent, and it doesn’t have to result in harm.
Everyone experiences and expresses anger in their own way. Common signs that you may be feeling anger include:
- elevated body temperature
- sweating
- rapid heartbeat
- muscle tension
- headache
- flushed skin
- clenched jaw
- chest constriction
- pacing
- yelling
- arguing
- sarcasm
- cursing
- physical expression (e.g., throwing or breaking objects, physical violence)
Signs of anger may be accompanied by emotions such as:
- humiliation
- disrespect
- insecurity
- rejection
- jealousy
- abandonment
- fear
You may also notice your thoughts move toward revenge, seeking justice, or wanting atonement.
When anger is uncontrolled
While it’s natural to experience anger, uncontrolled anger can have a negative impact on your life.
“People can start to avoid us because we’re not pleasant to be around or because our anger can be stressful to others,” Hawn states. “It can make it harder to compromise on things, which is key in relationships. Explosive anger can be scary to those around us and even be tied to abusive behaviors. It can end relationships altogether.”
In addition to social ramifications, uncontrolled anger can affect your physical and mental well-being. According to research from 2010, it may contribute to health challenges such as cardiovascular complications, diabetes, and eating disorders.
Tips to cope
Understanding “why am I so angry?” is just one piece of the puzzle. In addition to finding where that emotion comes from, relief may require coping strategies.
Discovering the real emotion
Hawn recommends reflecting back when you realize you’re stuck in angry feelings.
They suggest, “Ask yourself: Is there another emotion that happened right before the anger? If so, what led to that emotion? How can I feel and honor that emotion? If not, what message is my anger giving me? Maybe a boundary was crossed, maybe I saw someone being mistreated or hurt and know it was unjust, etc.”
Stepping away
If you’re always feeling angry during certain events or around certain people, it’s OK to step away.
Kramer suggests that removing yourself from the situation may be required when you’re angry. “Literally, they [should] excuse themselves and walk away,” Kramer says. “Easy to say, hard to do. Having an ally, someone with whom they have a code word or cues to help them know when to leave is helpful.”
Once you’ve stepped away, Kramer suggests box breathing:
- inhale for 4 to 7 counts
- hold your breath for 4 to 7 counts
- exhale for 4 to 7 counts
- repeat until the anger is diminished
Practicing relaxation techniques
“There are several relaxation techniques that can help you calm down when you’re feeling angry,” says Ogle. “Try things such as yoga, meditation, or deep breathing exercises. This is a good start to learning how to control your anger overall.”
Lifestyle changes and outlets
Ogle indicates that some lifestyle changes can help you manage anger.
“Eating well, getting enough sleep, and exercising regularly can all help to improve your mood and reduce stress levels,” she says.
Exercise, art, recreational hobbies, and sports can also be used as outlets when you find yourself wondering, “why am I so angry?”
Support
Sometimes anger requires the support and insight of a mental health professional.
Working with a therapist can help you uncover underlying causes of anger and can help you explore coping strategies that work for you.
You may also benefit from joining support groups, online or in person, where anger management strategies can be discussed in an empathetic setting.
Is venting OK?
Yes. Venting can be OK.
“It’s important to have an outlet for your anger, whether that means talking with a friend or writing in a journal,” says Ogle. “Venting allows you to express your anger in a safe and controlled way, without hurting yourself or someone else.”
But venting can be unhelpful if it’s used to lash out at or harm others, makes you feel angrier, or starts to happen as a regular method of expression.
Let’s recap
Asking yourself, “why am I so angry” can be the first clue that your anger has stuck around longer than it should.
While there are many reasons for anger to become a constant in your life, socioeconomic factors, chronic stressors, and underlying mental health conditions may all play a role.
Long-term anger can negatively impact your mental and physical well-being, but coping strategies and support from a mental health professional can help.
Most people feel angry sometimes, but if it’s affecting your life, there are things you can try that may help.
Support is also available if you’re finding it hard to cope with stress, anxiety or depression.
If you’re not sure how you feel, try our mood self-assessment.
Symptoms of anger
Anger can cause many different symptoms. It might affect how you feel physically or mentally, or how you behave.
Some people become aggressive towards others when they’re angry. Other people hide their anger and may take it out on themselves.
It’s not always easy to recognise when anger is the reason why you’re behaving differently.
Physical symptoms
- faster heartbeat
- tense muscles
- clenching your fists
- tightness in your chest
- feeling hot
Mental symptoms
- feeling tense or nervous
- being unable to relax
- being easily irritated
- feeling humiliated
- resenting other people
Changes in behaviour
- shouting
- ignoring people or sulking
- starting fights
- breaking things
- self-harming
Where to get help for anger
Non-urgent advice:
See a GP if:
- you feel you need help dealing with your anger
They may be able to refer you to a local anger-management programme or counselling.
Anger management programmes
A typical anger management programme may involve 1-to-1 counselling and working in a small group.
A programme may be a 1-day or weekend course, or over a couple of months.
The structure of the programme depends on who provides it, but most programmes include cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), as well as counselling.
There are also private courses and therapists who can help with anger issues. Make sure any therapist you see is registered with a professional organisation, such as the British Association for Counselling & Psychotherapy.
Where to get NHS help for stress, anxiety or depression
Referring yourself for therapy
If you need more support, you can get free psychological therapies, such as cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), on the NHS.
You can refer yourself directly to a psychological therapies service without a referral from a GP.
Find a psychological therapies service in your area
Non-urgent advice:
See a GP if:
- you’re struggling to cope with stress, anxiety or depression
- you’ve had a low mood for more than 2 weeks
- things you’re trying yourself are not helping
- you would prefer to get a referral from a GP
Urgent advice:
Ask for an urgent GP appointment or call 111 if:
- you need help urgently, but it’s not an emergency
111 can tell you the right place to get help if you need to see someone. Go to 111.nhs.uk or call: 111
Immediate action required:
Call 999 or go to A&E now if:
- you or someone you know needs immediate help
- you have seriously harmed yourself – for example, by taking a drug overdose
A mental health emergency should be taken as seriously as a medical emergency.
Find your nearest A&E
Causes of anger
There are many different causes of anger and it’s different for everyone.
Some common things that make people feel angry include:
- being treated unfairly and feeling powerless to do anything about it
- feeling threatened or attacked
- other people not respecting your authority, feelings or property
- being interrupted when you’re trying to achieve a goal
How you react to anger can depend on lots of things, including:
- the situation you’re in at the moment – if you’re dealing with lots of problems or stress, you may find it harder to control your anger
- your family history – you may have learned unhelpful ways of dealing with anger from the adults around you when you were a child
- events in your past – people who experience traumatic, frightening or stressful events sometimes develop post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) which can lead to angry outbursts
- substances such as drugs and alcohol – which make some people act more aggressively than usual
Some of the things that make you angry may not bother other people at all.
You might find it hard to explain why you feel this way but talking to someone could help you find a solution.
Find out about the 5 steps to mental wellbeing.
Important
If uncontrolled anger leads to domestic violence and abuse (violence or threatening behaviour within a relationship), there are places that offer help and support.
You can contact organisations such as:
- Refuge
- Women’s Aid
- Alternatives to Violence Project (AVP)
- Men’s Advice Line
Find out more about getting help for domestic violence and abuse.
