Type Six Overview
We have named personality type Six The Loyalist because, of all the personality types, Sixes are the most loyal to their friends and to their beliefs. They will “go down with the ship” and hang on to relationships of all kinds far longer than most other types. Sixes are also loyal to ideas, systems, and beliefs—even to the belief that all ideas or authorities should be questioned or defied. Indeed, not all Sixes go along with the “status quo”: their beliefs may be rebellious and anti-authoritarian, even revolutionary. In any case, they will typically fight for their beliefs more fiercely than they will fight for themselves, and they will defend their community or family more tenaciously than they will defend themselves.
The reason Sixes are so loyal to others is that they do not want to be abandoned and left without support—their Basic Fear. Thus, the central issue for type Six is a failure of self-confidence. Sixes come to believe that they do not possess the internal resources to handle life’s challenges and vagaries alone, and so increasingly rely on structures, allies, beliefs, and supports outside themselves for guidance to survive. If suitable structures do not exist, they will help create and maintain them.
Sixes are the primary type in the Thinking Center, meaning that they have the most trouble contacting their own inner guidance. As a result, they do not have confidence in their own minds and judgments.
This does not mean that they do not think. On the contrary, they think—and worry—a lot! They also tend to fear making important decisions, although at the same time, they resist having anyone else make decisions for them. They want to avoid being controlled, but are also afraid of taking responsibility in a way that might put them “in the line of fire.” (The old Japanese adage that says, “The blade of grass that grows too high gets chopped off” relates to this idea.)
Sixes are always aware of their anxieties and are always looking for ways to construct “social security” bulwarks against them. If Sixes feel that they have sufficient back up, they can move forward with some degree of confidence. But if that crumbles, they become anxious and self-doubting, reawakening their Basic Fear. (“I’m on my own! What am I going to do now?”) A good question for Sixes might therefore be: “When will I know that I have enough security?” Or, to get right to the heart of it, “What is security?” Without Essential inner guidance and the deep sense of support that it brings, Sixes are constantly struggling to find firm ground.
Sixes attempt to build a network of trust over a background of unsteadiness and fear. They are often filled with a nameless anxiety and then try to find or create reasons why. Wanting to feel that there is something solid and clear-cut in their lives, they can become attached to explanations or positions that seem to explain their situation. Because “belief” (trust, faith, convictions, positions) is difficult for Sixes to achieve, and because it is so important to their sense of stability, once they establish a trustworthy belief, they do not easily question it, nor do they want others to do so. The same is true for individuals in a Six’s life: once Sixes feel they can trust someone, they go to great lengths to maintain connections with the person who acts as a sounding board, a mentor, or a regulator for the Six’s emotional reactions and behavior. They therefore do everything in their power to keep their affiliations going. (“If I don’t trust myself, then I have to find something in this world I can trust.”)
Although intelligent and accomplished, Connie still has to wrestle with the self-doubt of her type:
“As my anxiety has come under control, so has my need to ‘check out’ everything with my friends. I used to have to get the nod of approval from several hundred (just joking!) ‘authorities.’ About nearly every decision would involve a council of my friends. I usually would do this one on one: ‘What do you think, Mary?’ ‘If I do this, then that might happen.’ Please make up my mind for me!’…Recently, I’ve narrowed my authorities to just one or two trusted friends, and on occasion, I’ve actually made up my own mind!“
Until they can get in touch with their own inner guidance, Sixes are like a ping-pong ball that is constantly shuttling back and forth between whatever influence is hitting the hardest in any given moment. Because of this reactivity, no matter what we say about Sixes, the opposite is often also as true. They are both strong and weak, fearful and courageous, trusting and distrusting, defenders and provokers, sweet and sour, aggressive and passive, bullies and weaklings, on the defensive and on the offensive, thinkers and doers, group people and soloists, believers and doubters, cooperative and obstructionistic, tender and mean, generous and petty—and on and on. It is the contradictory picture that is the characteristic “fingerprint” of Sixes, the fact that they are a bundle of opposites.
The biggest problem for Sixes is that they try to build safety in the environment without resolving their own emotional insecurities. When they learn to face their anxieties, however, Sixes understand that although the world is always changing and is, by nature uncertain, they can be serene and courageous in any circumstance. And they can attain the greatest gift of all, a sense of peace with themselves despite the uncertainties of life.
(from The Wisdom of the Enneagram, p. 235-236)
Enneagram 6 Wings
6w5: Six wing Five types are Sixes that share characteristics with Type Fives. 6w5s are generally more independent and introverted than other Sixes. They are less likely to rely on and trust others, and prefer to keep to themselves.
6w7: Six wing Sevens are Sixes that resemble a Seven in some ways. These Sixes are more social and relaxed than other Sixes. They are good at responding to people’s needs and often enjoy being part of groups and organizations.
Core Values of Enneagram 6s
- Security, commitment and a sense of connectedness with the group are what drive a Six’s actions. They stand strong by the people in their lives who have earned a spot in their hearts.
- Seeking safety, Sixes value those who can reassure them of their importance and connection.
- Trust is the most important value for Sixes. With all the time they spend thinking up a flurry of hypothetical scenarios, knowing someone has their back is extraordinarily comforting.
- Sixes seek peace within themselves, although this initially proves to be a challenge. Through trial and error, Sixes slowly build trust and confidence over time to effectively tackle any situation.
How to Recognize an Enneagram 6
Unassuming and tolerant, Sixes blend into the social sphere seamlessly and are always willing to support their loved ones. They’re great at keeping secrets and take privacy very seriously.
At work, Sixes are the employees that stick around and do overtime with ease to support the organization and keep tasks running smoothly.
Sixes actively seek reassurance for their actions and can smell potential issues from miles away. They probably have accumulated a mental compilation of troubleshooting guides for scenarios experienced in the past. This helps them feel in control of potentially risky situations if they come across any of them again.
Healthy vs. Unhealthy Enneagram 6s
When they are healthy, Sixes are caring, generous and thoughtful team players who move colleagues and friends forward in a positive direction. They’re valuable and hardworking employees who take great pride in serving an organization and will make every effort to hone their skills. During times of stress, they know how to handle and diffuse the nerves with finesse. They develop secure attachment styles and easily trust others. Through their patience and courage, Sixes can learn to accept their independence and express themselves freely in the world. At their best, Sixes are able to let go of their worries and focus on matters they can change in the present moment.
When they are average, Sixes are mentally acute yet highly skeptical, and seek security and group approval for their actions. They become aware of their shortcomings and their self-esteem may fluctuate from time to time. When there’s a disconnect between their position and the group, Sixes become noticeably agitated and nervous. To prevent disappointment, Sixes may mentally prepare themselves with the worse case scenario before carrying out a task. They have a tendency to over-analyze messages or information as it comes in, which further fuels their anxiety—and leads to mixed signals. This confuses others, so the whole thing winds up being a vicious cycle of worry.
When they are unhealthy, Sixes become extremely paranoid and suspicious of everything and everyone in their path. They’re prone to developing anxiety due to their hypervigilance to any impending (real or imagined) sources of harm. As a result, false memories may form, and they may start to suspect others are trying to fool them, when they’ve become masters at fooling themselves. When events go out of the frying pan and into the fire, Sixes can develop overwhelming and debilitating anxiety from the illusion of constant danger. This causes them to psychologically latch and cling onto a protective figure in their lives in order to get through each day (also called codependency). When exasperated and fed up, Sixes will project their insecurities onto others and claim they’ve done something, when it was all brewed up and imagined from the beginning.
Growth Tips for Enneatype 6s
- Own your power. Sixes tend to view life as a series of events that happens to them, rather than a journey where they steer the ship. When Sixes learn to acknowledge and own the power they yield, they can be braver and bolder in how they show up to the world.
- Be aware of how you create self-fulfilling prophecies. A self-fulfilling prophecy happens when you unconsciously make something happen by over-fixating on it. Sixes do this when they allow their fear to lead to extreme paranoia. For example, if a Six over-fixates on the fear that their partner is less interested in them, they may introduce added tension to the relationship that wouldn’t be there otherwise.
- Work on building trust in your relationships. Understand that not everyone has ulterior motives or is out to harm you. This kind of skepticism can cause problems in otherwise healthy relationships. When Sixes learn to have more faith in the people in their lives, they can form stronger and more meaningful connections.
- Develop healthy habits to release anxiety. Sixes spend a lot of time in their heads, so it’s essential to practice habits that allow your energy to focus on your body. While exercise is important for everyone, it’s especially helpful in getting a Six to focus more on the present and release stress.
Famous Enneagram Type 6s
- Mark Twain
- George H.W. Bush
- Joe Biden
- Prince Harry
- Marilyn Monroe
- Woody Allen
- Richard Nixon
- Jennifer Aniston
- Kristen Stewart
- Mindy Kaling
- Michael Moore
- Julia Roberts
- Sarah Jessica Parker
- Rush Limbaugh
- Ellen Degeneres
- David Letterman
- Tom Hanks
- David Sedaris
- “Hamlet” (Hamlet)
- ‘Ron Weasley” (Harry Potter)
- “Mulan” (Mulan)
- “Dwight Schrute” (The Office)
- “Ben Wyatt” (Parks and Rec)
- “Dre Johnson” (Blackish)
Type 6 in Relationships
Enneagram Relationship content was co-developed with marital therapist turned relationship coach Christa Hardin (MA).
Enneagram Type Sixes in a romantic relationship tend to be very caring, thoughtful and protective of those they care about and are aware of their own needs as well. When they aren’t as healthy, they can be anxious and freeze up, rather than moving towards whatever it is they need to do. They often plan out worst-case scenarios in order to make sure they are prepared, and have trouble centering their minds on the fact that spouses or partners do not always want to be controlled or to have a plan for everything.
Sixes also must learn that people will let them down sometimes but that does not mean they can never be trusted. Sometimes things come spontaneously. Sixes must learn that life is even more of a curious adventure when you learn to take some things in stride.
If a Six allows fear to limit them by creating perfect boundaries and curated relationships, then there is very little growth, even if life is smooth. Sixes do better to honor their courageous journey back to hope and trust. Their spouses do well to let them process fears for a little while each day but then move into gratitude and planning.
If you love a Six, remember that they are often worried that they can’t trust themselves because something in their past made them feel as though they were not safe. Now they are projecting onto you or hoping you will meet all their needs – but you must resist this and let them get their own self-care. Whether through journaling to work through their thoughts independently, meditation, exercise, or other tactics, self care can help Sixes get “unstuck” and allow them to grow stronger in body and mind.
If they worry too much aloud with you, set worry sessions with them to a limited time versus letting it run your schedule, and encourage them to take some time on their own to verbally process, uncomfortable as that may feel at first. Also, if they have a faith life, it will be helpful for the Six to do a Bible memory about fear and courage.
The goal isn’t for them to avoid healthy risk but to plan for healthy security and the completion of their wonderful and caring courageous goals, both as individuals and as a couple with their beloved partner. Click here to find the Enneagram and Marriage Glow Pairing Guides so you can find tips for a type Six with each of the individual types!
